Archive for August, 2012

Shot putting NBC, an unofficial Olympic event

Thursday, August 9th, 2012

The most popular event at the 2012 Summer Olympic Games… Trashing NBC’s coverage, of course.

Let the games begin!

Top Ten Beefs about NBC’s Olympic Coverage

10. Not showing the marquee events live on network television. I don’t care if it’s 2:30 in the afternoon, I’d like to have the option to watch the premiere events live on network television instead of in a packaged edit program every night when I already know the results from them being blasted on every form of social media.

9. Not showing gymnastic scoring. In the women’s gymnastics all-around finals you tell us how many points the Russian gymnast will need to upset American leader Gabby Douglas on the last event, but when she finishes her final floor exercise routine in spectacular fashion, we never even get her score. Gabby wins, but why tell us that the Russian needed 15.3 to beat her, and then not bother to show the score first?

8. Bob Costas, the Talking Dead. Hey, we like Bob Costas, but not with dyed hair, Botox, and surgically lifted eyes making him appear somewhat corpse-like. We’re old enough to remember Jim McKay never bothered to dye his hair or artificially hold back time for vanity’s sake. It just doesn’t become a man covering sports. He looks a bit like some creepy painted ventriloquist doll sitting in those interview chairs that are too big for him.

7.  Where are the other competitors? Sure, we’re patriotic, we’re gung ho jingoistic Americans, but in some events you get the impression no one else is competing. I can’t even name what country came in third in women’s gymnastics overall. We never saw them compete. We’re all about the thrill of victory, but it’s the agony of defeat that often makes for the best drama (like that sobbing Russian girl). Let’s have some perspective and remember what these games are about – the world, not just US. Maybe you need an Atlas. FOX News certainly does, they reported one Iranian Gold Medal winner as from… Baghdad.

6. What the hell is Ryan Seacrest doing there? Is there an Olympic karaoke competition I missed? Is he there to make Bob Costas look larger? Is he doing the radio play-by-play for NBC? Just exactly what credentials does he have to be a sportscaster commentator for Olympic coverage? Or does he actually own NBC now, which is entirely possible.

5. Bob Costas’ mid-point interview with Michael Phelps. “What happened to you?” “What’s with not medaling in one event?” “And getting a Silver in another, no less?” “What kind of slacker are you?” “We know you spend a lot of time in the water, but are you all washed up?” Maybe he wasn’t that direct, but that’s how it came across. Excuse us, Bob, but you’re lucky he didn’t freestyle shot put your puny nonathletic frame into the Thames.

4. Saving all the best events until near midnight. We understand the marketing value of making viewers stick around without telling them when you’re actually going to air a final event (which networks used to do in previous years), but prime time ends at 11 p.m. for anyone who has to go to work, or go to school (hey, band camp), or is worn out from waiting through four previous hours of canned events, quarter and semi-finals, heats, and Progressive Insurance commercials.

3. Using up all our DVR space. The only way to circumvent your diabolical programming strategy is to record the entire evening’s programming so we can fast forward through all those commercials, Bob Costas yakking, and events we don’t care about until we get to those 11 p.m. events… which we still have to watch the next day to avoid all the fill.

2. All those Revolution TV series promotions. Let me get this straight. You’re using the electronic medium of television to incessantly promote a new Fall television series about people living in a future world devoid of electricity. If your goal is to make us start to appreciate what an attractive reality that actually might be, it just might be working.

1. Oh, what, the hell, all is forgiven. Nobody’s ever going to please everyone with such a diverse event of this magnitude, you’re doing the best you can, and this is the only time when seeing half-exposed asses on prime time television is considered great family viewing.

We hope you see gold with your ratings and revenue, but we’ll only go so far as to award you… Silver.

UPDATE: NBC’s Silver medal was unceremoniously withdrawn for postive testing to DOPING. That’s right, they were the unbelievable huge dopes who blundered by interrupting the closing ceremony program to show a lame sitcom about pet doctors, and postponing the grand finale performance of the legendary rock band the Who until after midnight. Unforgiveable. This should automatically disqualify them for participating in this event in the future. We won’t forget.

And we won’t get fooled again.

— A. Wayne Carter